it's early in the morning..maresmartian get up and preparing themselves to school..i've already take my bath and ready to school..then one of my fren came.."warden nk jumpa"....silence..
there's so many things in my mind..trying to figure it out..what's it?i dunkow the answer..grab my tudung n hurry to see warden downstairs.."awak siti nor akmal?" i'm nodded.. "ke ada akmal lain?" "setahu saya saya sorang je siti nor akmal cikgu.." "abang awk ada tunggu kat pak guard..ada sesiapa sakit kat rumah?" "ayah ada dulu sakit tp dah baik.."oh my...that's question nearly bring me to a final conclusion..but still,i tried to calm myself..
boys still in the surau near the pondok pak guard performing their subuh prayer..and i..alone..walking to search for the answer, why my brother is here right now..from malacca to taiping at this early..there he is...with kak long..
after salam..kak long hugs me..then tears streaming down her cheeks..and i..still silence...not saying even a word.."abah dh takde adik.." "bila kak long?" "maghrib semalam.." i just stood there, not knowing what to say..i'm not giving any reaction at all..it's like a dream..
it's he coming back?nope..he leaved me when i wasn't there..at home..when i still struggling for my SPM..he would never coming back..to see his daughter hold her medical degree as he dreamed for..to see me as a doctor..
and i..wouldn't have any chances at all to give him my first salary..and here i am..in medical school..to fulfill his ambition..to make his words come true.."abah dah tak lama adik..abah kira rasanya adik ada 9 tahun lagi nak habis belajar..amek medic..abah tak sempat kot.."that's was his last words that i remembered until now..at that moment, i've no idea that would be the last thing he would ever say to me just few months before my SPM..
tiada siapa pun terlepas dari kematian..kematian pasti datang menjengah walau kita masih punya perkara..agenda hidup yang ingin direncanakan..namun, adakah persediaan untuk hidup kekal di sana kita sempurnakan? apakah perkara yang sudah terlaksana itu memadai untuk melepasi langit yang pertama?
diri ini masih bingung..masih mencari..ya rabbi..ada kalanya turun naik..adakalanya berhidup seumpama kematian itu tidak akan terjadi..bantulah kami ya allah..the most gracious..the most passionate..thanks for everything My Lord..guide us oh Allah..THE ALMIGHTY..
al-fatihah buat ayahanda allahyarham abdullah b. mohd zain, 7th january 1952-22th june 2005
terima kasih abah..doaku sentiasa buatmu..
*Live every act fully, as if it were your last*